Thursday, February 16, 2012

Wasn't that Our Holiday?

Has anyone ever seen the Eddie Izzard skit back from when he still dressed in drag where he's talking about flags? In case you haven't you should it's pretty hilarious. A lot of his comedy skits used to be about History and God with the voice of James Mason. Well in the skit I'm specifically refering to he talks about England and it's use of flags to essentially to take over the world. Explorers would search the globe for foreign land masses stick a flag in the ground and claim the land in the name of her majesty. Well inevitably the indigenous people would come out with an obvious "but we were here first" to which the explorer would reply "well do you have a flag?" because that was clearly how you established ownership.
I feel that in a way that's what the Catholic church has done with all of the pagan holidays. Take yesterday for example. Lupercalia was originally a Roman fertility festival. Somehow it morphed into Valentines Day, jumped back to the 14th instead of the 15th and celebrated St. Valentine, patron saint of lovers. I had always thought the church opposed that sort of thing but what's hypocrasy when there's converting to do.
I can't help but see the Pope sitting up on his high horse throne holy chair or whatever he thinks sounds the most pious when he's draped in expensive robes and adorned with gold and jewels, whinning to all of his bishops

"Why will they not stop fornicating? I told them they're Christian now, God finds this kind of display unholy. Not to mention how are we supposed to keep our vows of celebacy with all that cavorting flesh?"
"Well sir, they were here first and they have been celebrating this for as long as them and their ancestors can remember."
"But how are we supposed to have absolete control over them if we can't even stop them from celebrating their own time honored traditions?"
"Perhaps if we beat them to the punch your grace?"
"Yes, Yes we'll move it to the 14th and tell them they've really been celebrating our holiday all along, I think we have someone waiting to be beatified. Valentine or something. We'll make him the patron saint of lovers. That should stop them from honoring Faunus or whatever the hell they're doing down there."

It's good to know however that through historians and others who are actually willing to do the research that we can at least in spirit gain back the traditions stolen from us and our ancestors.
Who's for a little fertility whipping next year?

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