Nourishing My Inner Masculine

I had a very interesting experience the other day and I thought I would share.
Over the past few months I have been trying to get healthier. I haven't been feeling good, I've felt extremely run down, and nauseous, I've been getting headaches on and off and just feeling generally not well. So I tried to eat healthier and get more exercise and I was starting to feel a lot better, then with the craziness of life and the most recent Thanksgiving, things just got really off track.

So feeling a little self defeated I decided to meditate on it. I don't get a chance to meditate very often (3 year olds take away a lot of quiet time) but when I do it is VERY intense. When I meditate I use it to commune with my inner self, my ancestors, or the Gods.

On this particular occasion I was trying to talk to the Goddess and ask her for strength and the willpower to continue on my quest for health. From somewhere deep inside, a tiny voice I didn't recognize, and wasn't expecting told me You have the Goddess, you need the God. You need the strength and virility of the Hunter.

I was completely blown away by this revelation. I've said this before and I'll probably say it a million times more, I came to paganism because of its balance. Dark and Light, Hard and Soft, Warmth and Cold, Masculine and Feminine. However the male half is something I've always taken for granted. I suppose because I'm a woman I've always looked for the male energy to come from some outer source, some being other than myself. Something I've always know but never really explored is the fact that we all have male and female energy within us, and sometimes regaining balance is as simple as accepting our counterparts.

In A Witch's Book of Dreams by Karri Allrich (which was fabulous) she explores this concept of male and female counterparts and refers to a woman's male counter part as her Animus. She goes on to say



~A woman’s inner masculine soul twin that reveals himself in dreams. He may appear as a strong youth, a guide, a teacher, a lover. He delineates her inherent spiritual muscle; the courage to speak up, share ideas, initiates projects, works in the world, venturing into the realm of ideas and self-expression. As the Daimon Lover, he may show up as a mysterious guide holding a lantern in the dark passage for the dreamer to see her soul path more clearly. Through maturity, growth, and balance a woman will embrace her masculine aspect and become whole. How he appears in her dreams will be a clue as to how developed he is within her.~

What a fascinating concept that is! As I contemplated this I realized it also fits with other areas of my life. I've been having these terrible nightmares that my husband is either leaving me or cheating on me. After I learn of this (in the dreams) I always feel weak and helpless. In these dreams I always identified him as my husband but it was never actually my husband. I could never see his face, it didn't sound like him, and his personality never fit. So perhaps it was simply my Animus reaching out to me showing me how neglected he was. Showing me that I NEED him to help me be strong.

Now this isn't going to be an ideal that sits well with many feminists but it is true we all need our male or female counterpart in order to survive. Even same sex couples need to seek out sperm, or an egg and a womb if they want children. No one can go it alone.

Anyways, I just thought I would share all of these thoughts with you and maybe get you to think about your own Animus, (or Anima for the men). Is he/she nourished, cared for, accepted, and celebrated. If there is some type of imbalance in your life perhaps you can look there.



A letter to Pagans

For some reason during my dreams in the middle of the night my brain forms revelations. They may not be revelations for others, but for me it's a sense of all the cogs locking into their proper place on a subject I didn't even realize I was contemplating.

For some reason Christians (at least the ones I've encountered, obviously I can't speak for all) believe or are taught that Pagan's worship the devil. I know that's silly, you know that's silly, but for them it's the only thing that makes logical sense. You try to help them see differently but everything you say is just fruit of the same poisonous tree. You worship the devil so everything you say is wrong, or a lie, and you're simply sent to try to tempt them away from their convictions and to weaken their faith.

What most of us try to do is enlighten them to the fact that we don't even believe the devil exists. How can we worship something we don't believe in. The response I've always heard is "Satan's best trick is convincing you he doesn't exist". At this moment is where I've had my revelation. I think what's really happening is a theological language barrier. I really believe that when we tell them "I don't believe in Satan", they hear "I don't believe evil exists", and that's simply not true.

Now instead of assuming that we're outright animal sacrificing devil worshippers, we become something much more dangerous and naive. They believe we walk around with a free for all attitude and with no moral compass. We don't believe in sin so therefore we think all behavior is acceptable and since we don't answer to God we have nothing to make us feel remorse when we've hurt someone or done something wrong.
Oh how wrong they are. Of course we believe evil exists and of course we know the difference between right and wrong. We just don't think a finger can be pointed at specific being when we do something wrong, unless we're pointing that finger at ourselves. When we've hurt someone it's not because we were weak and taken over by Satan. We put the full responsibility and blame on our own shoulders. We know that it's happened not because of a weakness in faith but because of a weakness in our compassion and empathy. We believe this is something we should atone for not because someone's wagging a heavenly finger at us but because we know how it feels to be hurt and wouldn't wish it on anyone else. Sometimes this is purely unintentional but we still work and try to make it right.

Just as I can't speak for all Christians I also can't speak for all Pagans. I can't say we're all moral, upstanding, compassionate people. We're as different as the rest of the world regardless of religious affiliation. I can however speak for myself. I don't believe in Satan but I do believe in evil (some simply call it negative energy). I also believe that as in the great balance of life, there is evil inside of all of us. That snarky comment we could stop from floating to the surface of our consciousness, a sense of uncontrolled satisfaction at seeing someone we don't care for fail, and while I acknowledge and embrace it as part of my being, I put it's energy to other uses. If I don't like the way someone behaves I take that evil seed of unacceptance and allow it to blossom into wisdom by meditating on why it bothers me so much, and how I can use it to become a better person.

So I guess this is a letter to both Christians and Pagans alike. To the Christian's yes we understand the difference between right and wrong, even without your God. To the Pagan's simply try to understand that they've simply given their evil a name, and they think by denying the name they've given we deny the existence of it's force.

See, it's simply a theoligical language barrier.

A Lazy Day and Deep Thoughts

Me and Adrian (my 3 yr old) are the only one's home today, just enjoying a lazy day together watching movies on Netflix, some cleaning and maybe some coloring. I'm introducing him to the Dark Crystal. It's a little dark but I feel like it gives us some room for discussion and helps to teach him some good morals. Being gentle, respect for the earth, and living a natural life. I love showing him the movies that I used to enjoy when I was younger. I think it's really important to show our children what has moved, or entertained us. Maybe it will move them, and they'll share it with their children, and the chain begins. Even if you don't believe in life after death seeing your passions, and morals passed down through the generations is sure to give you hope that you're spirit will live on, even if it resides in another. Just maybe reincarnation isn't as far fetched as some people believe. Perhaps it's just not as literal as they imagined.